Tuth or Dare with the Fairies and the Dogs
by Potterhead7
Summary: Truth or dare with seth and the gang plus the Cullen's. Bellas a vampire, and its set after the wars. quite a bit of bashing, rated T for some langage. Reviews are nice but please no flames.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note, hi its potterhead7 just wanted to say that this story is a parody, I know the characters are OOC and constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames. **

**Oh and none of the characters belong to me.**

Spring had sprung in the dreary town of Forks, so naturally the Cullen's were outside in the sun sparkling like fairies, and Jacobs pack was lounging around. We had all gathered in the Cullen's back yard for a pizzia party. I didn't understand why they would host a pizzia party when they couldnt eat anything, but I'm not one to turn down free pizza.

I am Seth, the little werewolf no one noticed in till the last movie. I was eating some pizza as I sat watching the Cullen`s prance around sparkling and looking constipated, I noticed Jacob hanging out with Renesmee. It was creepy very creepy, to see an almost grown man try to flirt with a girl that looked at most 10 years old.

Everything had gotten boring now that no one wanted to kill each other anymore. I needed something to do, so I stood up and yelled as loud as I could. "Let's play truth or dare." My suggestion was met with blank constipated stares by the Cullen's and Jacob hadn't even noticed he was still trying to flirt with Renesmee.

"I but I don't want to!" Bella wined while biting her lip.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Ok listen, I don't care what you guys want I`m bored and it's the least you guys can do for ignoring me in the first two movies." Everyone groaned and formed a circle. Carlisle started the game. "Truth or dare?" He asked Alice. Alice being the crazy crack fuelled pixie she was answered dare. "Hmmmm, you have to eat that flower over there." He said pointing to a single flower.

"OK" Alice said, practically oozing energy. She bounced over to the flower, picked it up and shoved is violently down her throat. I will never understand how a vampire could eat; it goes against all the vampire rules. "That was easy!" exclaimed Alice.

"You guy are shitty at this." I stated.

"Oh, those are fighting words you little Chihuahua!" Emmett threatened.

"Bring it on little fairy." I taunted. He just stared at me, a look of disbelief plastered on his dumb face. "Ok, I believe it is your turn Alice." I said looking at her.

"Ok, truth or dare Jacob?" she asked

"Dare, I am not a wimp, unlike some people." He said looking at Jasper.

"I dare you to let Jazz give you a tattoo!" Alice exclaimed with glee. I chuckled, now this was what truth or dare was all about.

"What? You can't do that; he might tattoo a pink flower on my back!" Jacob shouted, and then stood up with his fists balled. He stomped over to Alice and tried to throw a punch at her. She ignored his attempts to hit her, and then got up to whisper something in jazzes ear. He smiled an evil grin. Jazz went inside to get the ink and the needles. "Fine, I'll let you do this if you promise not to use pink at all!" Jacob begged. He even got down on his hands and knees. How was this guy the alpha and not me?

"Never, Bwahahah!" Alice crackled. I guess the crack pixie had a darker side. Jazz walked calmly out of the house holding the granddaddy of all needles, and several pots of vibrantly coloured ink. Jacob shrieked like a little girl and curled up in a little ball once he saw the needle. Emmett got up and pinned Jacob down mumbling something about dogs not having spines.

"NOOOOOOOOOO, NOT MY PERFECT ABS!" Jacob shouted as jasper whipped his abs with antibacterial gel, then carefully stencilled the design in ink, and got out the needle. "WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TRIPS TO THE GYM THESE ABS TOOK TO MAKE? HOW MUCH MY TEEN HEART THROBNESS DEPENDS ON THEM?"

They ignored his screaming and continued to forever mark his abs. I couldn't help but laugh. His abs were his pride and joy. I looked at the reactions on every ones faces, my sister had her customary angry look, and all the Cullen's still looked constipated, and Bella was biting her lip, looking down and running her fingers through her hair in a very unattractive way. How she had two guys fighting over, her I had no idea.

After they had finished tattooing Jacobs chest he stood up and after looking in the mirror jazz handed him he let out a little girl shriek. He turned around showing everyone the massive pink pony they had tattooed on his chest. "Nice tats poodle." Rosalie said sarcastically. He tried to kick her but slipped and ended up on his ass.

I got up from my spot and helped him up and into his seat. "I hate you Alice!" Jacob seethed. Then he looked over at jazz and said. "Time for revenge eh jazz, truth or dare?" he said with a evil wink.

"I am not a fool poodle, I pick truth." Jazz said with a superior look plastered on his face.

"I think you are." Replied Jacob sinisterly. "You must now tell Alice exactly what you honestly think about her obsession with shopping." Even Bella stopped biting her lip long enough to see the look of horror on Jaspers face.

"Very well poodle, at least unlike you I am above begging." Jasper said with a look of disdain on his face. He slowly turned to Alice and said in his strange fairy voice "I think you impulsive need to shop is strange, a waste of time and unhealthy."

Alice looked him, and for about 5 minutes no one said a word. Then so fast no one but the vampires saw it she kicked him in the jaw and pinned him to the ground. She was shouting profanities at him and clawing at his face. Then finally Bella pulled her off of him. She was still shouting profanities at him even after Bella had sat her back down in her seat. Jasper looked very afraid but sat up anyway, and then looked at Edward and said very slowly. "Truth or dare?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: Thanks to Christina-May Clearwater. You were my first ever reviewer and that means a lot to me that you took the time to give input. Moving on, this is the new chapter and lots of stuff happens, so yeah. That's pretty much it. :) **

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. **

Chapter 2 

"Dare." Edward stated with a strange look in his eyes, and then I remembered that he could read minds. It wasn't very fair playing with a guy that could tell what you were going to make him do before you were sure of it yourself.

Jasper had a look of disappointment on his face. "That sucks I had an awesome truth." He said. Then he thought for a while. "I dare you to let Seth give you a haircut." Jazz excitedly said.

This just got a whole lot better, I thought to myself. "NO!" yelled Bella, while biting her lip. "I love his hair, couldn't you tell by the movies that I have an Edward hair fetish." I smiled an evil smile. I bet the pots of ink would work very nicely as hair dye.

Edward had started crying by now. He was such a wimp. No wonder he was more fairy than Vampire. I got up and walked over to Emmett and asked if he could get me some scissors. He was more than happy to oblige. I started to poke at Eddie's hair and decided the best way to cut it. Emmett soon arrived with the Scissors. I started to work, I chopped of a bit of hair here and there, and then to complete the new look I dumped the whole pot of florescent pink ink on his head. He swore at me once he realized what I'd done, then started to cry again.

As everyone got a good look at my masterpiece they started to laugh, yes everyone even my angry sister, well actually Bella was STILL biting her lip and moping, but she doesn't count. The overall look of his hair was one side completely bald and the other side hot pink. I had never been more proud of myself then I was at this moment. Eddie looked me Square in the eyes and asked. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare" I answered on reflex. Then I realized my mistake, a vengeful fairy with pink hair could make me do whatever he wanted. I'm screwed.

"Big mistake you little puppy." Edward spoke his voice dripping with hatred. I as freaking out, I wondered if fairies could fly faster than werewolves could run. Then he said it. "I dare you Seth Clearwater, too phase and then let all of the fairie- I mean Cullen's shave you."

Aw crap, I'm so screwed. "Fine FARIY I'll let you shave me." I said trying to think of a way out. I quickly kicked of my shorts and phased. I am very sure I'll never get board of phasing. It was fun being covered in fluffy fur and walking in all fours. I pranced over to Edward and looked him straight in the eye and thought the vilest thoughts I could, I saw him get uncomfortable as I pictured his hair up in pink flames.

Esme walked into the house and came back a few minutes later with some shavers. I walked over to a huge mud puddle and rolled around in it; if they were going to do this I was going to make them feel very uncomfortable. I walked over to the group and then shook back and forth causing the mud to completely cover everyone, Bella let out a shriek and bit her lip AGAIN, and Alice's dress was covered in mud, yup I was dead of sure.

The fairies surrounded me and all started to slice the fluffy hair from my body. I held my head up high and refused to whimper as I started to feel uncomfortable breezes. After a few minutes the fairies had finished and I picked up my pants and walked into the forest and phased back to my human form. I reached up and felt my head. I was completely bald with one random spot of hair left on the back of my head.

After I had put my pants back on and felt my head a few more times I started to walk back to the circle, when I noticed that Jacob had phased and Edward was growling. As I got closer Alice explained to me that Jacob had farted causing Edward to freak out. Then on reflex Jacob had phased, and then I had gotten back.

As I got closer to them, they both started growling and then Jacob turned around and let out the mother of all stink bombs. I started gagging and almost passed out. "God man, what do you eat?" I asked Jacob disgustedly. He phased back but soon remembered that he had phased in his pants and they had ripped of him, leaving him completely unclothed.

He ran screaming into the Cullen's house, and was closely followed by Renesmee, who was mumbling something about incompetent fools. "Ok." I said. "Now that, that traumatic experience is over, Emmett, truth or dare?"

"Hmm, I guess I'm going to go with dare." Emmett stated casually. I raked my brain for any ideas, and then it hit me.

"Emmett I dare you to, dress up as a fairy, and only respond to the name, Queen Twinkle toes for the rest of the game." I stated with diabolical glee. The look plastered on Emmett's dumb fairy face was priceless.

"It's times like this when I'm proud to call you my brother." My sister said, still looking angry, but I figured that would be the closest I would ever get to a sincere complement, so I didn't mention it.

Emmett slowly got up, walked over to me, and bent down to whisper quietly in my ear so that no one else could hear. "Thank you, for helping me to express my inner most emotions, it means a lot." I don't know what scared me more, the fact that he was dead serious, or that his breath smelt like glitter glue.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note: Hi, this is potterhead 7, just reminding you that this is my 3 chapter in the story please review they are really awesome too read, and they help me improve my writing. I've come to the conclusion that I can only update about once a week.**

**To anyone that's reading this, thank you so much, you guys are awesome for sticking with me, again this is my first fan fiction with more than one chapter, please review. :)**

**Peace out**

**-potterhead7**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters**

Chapter 3,

As Emmett entered the house to change his attire Jacob walked back out to re-join the game. As Jacob got closer everyone noticed his new cloths, a pink frilly tutu and light up fairy wings. I didn't even try to hold in the laughter, he had a look of absolute loathing on his face as he took in the scene of everyone at the table laughing at him. Renesmee followed closely behind him, and it was very clear by the smug look on her face that she had talked Jacob into the tutu and light up fairy wings.

Jacob could barely contain his anger, but he managed to ask what happened to Emmett. I told him about my amazingly epic dare. He chuckled and then let out a strangled yelp as Renesmee tugged sharply on his fairy wings. "You're not allowed to mock my uncle's pain." She stated in a firm voice.

Jacob quietly replied. "Yes dear." It was funny to see how tightly Jacob was wrapped around her finger. I chanced a glance at the rest of the table and saw the most disturbing sight my poor eyes had ever beheld, it was even worse than Jacob in a tutu and wings, it was Edward and Bella sucking face!

"Hey, get a room!" I shouted across table.

They looked at me blinked and then continued making out. I sighed and looked to Alice and asked. "So ummm… is that your tutu?" She took a moment to observe the tutu then let out a gasp of horror and lunged at Jacob.

"YOU BASTARD!" She shouted. "HOW DARE YOU DEFACE MY TUTU BY WEARING IT, ITS RUBBING AGAINST YOUR HAIRY WEREWOLF LEGS. " Alice tried to tear it off of Jacob, but was stopped by Jasper.

"Do you really want to rip it off of him, knowing what will be under it?" Jasper asked urgently. Everyone flinched at Jaspers words and Alice yelped and said.

"I guess you can keep it Jacob."

I snickered and turned to Esme and said. "I think Jacob might need to borrow the shavers used earlier to give me a buzz cut." She laughs good naturedly and Jacob whines about how unfair everything is.

Right as everyone settles down Emmett walks out towards us in a long flowing princess dress with a tiara. "Sorry I seem to have misplaced my silk fairy wings, however I feel that this is suitable attire for a queen of my stature. " Emmett said with the air of authority. Everyone sat there completely stunned and unable to speak. "I do believe it's my turn to do the asking, Bella, truth or dare?" Emmett asked in a very feminine tone.

"Dare" Bella forced out through her bitten lips.

"I, Queen Twinkle Toes commands you to cover your face in shaving cream then dance the Macarena." Emmett demands with giddy glee. Edward screams and faints, and Bella bites almost completely through her lip, and she pulls at her hair.

Oh this is going to be a good dare, I think to myself. "I have so shaving cream." Jacob says. He pulls a large can of aerosol shaving cream out of his hair. "I carry it around with me so I can shave whenever I want and so I can always have a super smooth face." Jacob explains.

"You might want to think about using that on your legs." The crack pixie Alice mumbles, clearly still very upset about her ruined skirt. I look over at Bella and see Jacob tossing her the canister, being the klutz she is, Bella drops it and has to awkwardly pick it up. I laughed as Bella accidently hit the trigger and it exploded onto her face.

Once her face was completely covered in shaving cream, Bella started to whine and bite he lip. "I don't wanna dance." Bella complained and stood behind Edward hoping he would protect her. Edward meanwhile had pulled out a hand held mirror and hair spray and was attempting to salvage the remaining pink side of his head. I felt a smug smile spread across my face as I remembered it was me that did that to his hair.

After several minutes of coxing and bribing we had finally managed to talk Bella into dancing the Macarena. She was extremely awkward and tried to bite her lip the entire time, which only resulted in her discovering how bad shaving cream tasted.

Once Bella had finished dancing and whipped off the shaving cream from her face she ran over to Edward and started to cry. "Wow." Jasper mumbled. "Tell a girl you watch her sleep and normally she calls the cops. However if that girl is Bella she won't let you go." I laugh and agree.

Bella quietly mumbles at Carlisle, I assume she said truth or dare, but I'm not sure. Carlisle quickly responds with dare. "You have to twirl in a circle." Bella exclaimed with no emotion, none AT ALL! Carlisle twirled with no complaint and proceeded to ask Edward truth or dare.

"Truth" Eddie the fairy said.

"Tell Bella what you do when she's asleep, EVERYTHIG. " Carlisle says with a smirk.

"Fine, Bella, when you sleep I smell your cloths, and your hair, then I go to your washroom and smell your toothbrush. Then I take the hair from your brush and weave it into my 'Bella hair mat.' Then After that I put on your bra and panties and dance around your room to Hannah Montana." Edward said confidently.

"OH MY GOD!" Bella exclaimed. "That is so hot, Eddie hold me!"

Everyone just sat open mouthed at the crazy couple. Then suddenly Emmett shouted. "I'M GAY."


End file.
